Are you a digital nomad or are you constantly on the move?

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Thailand announced a Long-Term Resident program in September for “Work-from-Thailand Professionals,” nomads. Visa applications from inside the nation cost $1,300.

Virtual nomads are not included in Thailand’s ludicrous new visa regulations. Whoever wrote the rules, likely entrusted with creating a “digital nomad” visa, didn’t grasp the job.

Remote workers must have earned $80,000 annually for two years before applying. If this revenue isn’t from traditional work, it will be hard to substantiate. Applicants must work for a publicly traded corporation or a private company with $150 million in revenue in the three years before the visa application. Mofo!

You’ll also need five years in “related domains of present employment,” whatever that means. Applicants must have a master’s degree, intellectual property, or Series A funding if they don’t meet these requirements.

In Thailand, a digital nomad is a man who quit his high-paying work at a Fortune 500 business after two years and moved to Patong.

Age maybe? As someone who left home as soon as feasible, I have reservations about digital nomads.

What’s a nomad? Well…

Nomads have no “home” to return to or come from. They’re migratory.

The pandemic nearly wiped out these so-called nomads, who, at the smallest cough from the next table, slid their Airbooks into their mega-huge, meta-tech backpacks and rushed for the “spare” room in the parental semi, pre-stocked with everything they required. They’ve never been nomads. They’re gap-year youngsters with “small private salaries,” as Victorian teens said.

If “home” is a safe place, you’re not a nomad, just a visitor. Aspiring. Many. Write lists. They’re plenty. Thanks, too. More listicles and jaw-dropping are needed. Where can I discover the most dangerous dog?

Curmudgeonly, I try to remember the last time I went to a sweatshop PR agency for coffee and prepared listicles for fun. Why are office workers in the coffee shop?

I approach the young woman sipping (always sipping, journalists? Can’t we drink differently?) Unnamed coffee concoction… “Nomad?”