Lampang’s Elusive Robert: The Mysterious Escapist Dodging Bills

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In the tranquil yet lively setting of Lampang, a tale has been unfolding that’s more riveting than your average crime thriller. It’s about a mysterious escapist known affectionately, or rather infamously, as Robert, and his knack for dodging bills all over the province. Our story chiefly concerns Ann, the unnervingly courteous owner of Kanthika massage shop, who recently crossed paths with this master of excuses.

Ann’s encounter with Robert was anything but ordinary. It was yet another normal day at Kanthika, with its serene aromas and the gentle hum of relaxation music. But things soon took an unexpected turn when in limped Robert—a foreign chameleon of mystery with a noticeable imperfection in his step and an olfactory presence that spoke louder than words. He was around fifty, sported short black hair, and wore a blue T-shirt with somewhat formidable black trousers. All of this, along with his self-given moniker, Robert, might have been convincing, had his scent not queued a separate narrative.

Robert, with a certain poise of entitlement, requested a two-hour oil massage. And gracious Ann, ever hopeful about human decency, obliged. The charge? A humble 700 baht. But alas, as the story unravels, Robert wasn’t just in need of relaxation. He was, it appears, on a peculiar mission to evade the most common etiquette of paying for services rendered.

The massage session ticked on, while Ann’s employee heroically endured the guest’s stoic aroma. Once relaxed and reeking of oils, Robert, possibly inspired by the cleanliness around him, asked to use the bathroom to freshen up. Ann granted this request too, hopefully thinking perhaps this was a turning point in his personal hygiene journey.

But Robert had other plans. Post-shower, he declared his lack of cash—a conundrum Ann met with the generosity of understanding. Yet, her instincts tingled. Anticipating a potential classic misadventure, she offered to accompany him to the ATM, a sensible move for ensuring an honourable transaction. Robert, however, declined the offer, citing solo withdrawal preferences, then ambled out the door with an air of someone who planned to return. Spoiler: he didn’t.

Outside was another scene altogether. A baht bus driver awaited, though not in a welcoming embrace. Robert had left a trail of unpaid dues. The driver was here for recompense too. As drama ballooned, Robert activated his limp-legged escape strategy, melting into the bustling streets of Lampang faster than you could say, “700 baht please!”

Ann, a seasoned business owner, was less concerned about the financial loss and more about the curious case of the runaway client. She reported the incident to local authorities and discovered that Robert had been running this shampoo-less scam across town, with varied and extravagant aggregates. This included a whimsical night at a karaoke bar, filled with food, drink, and apparently invisible fortunes, totaling somewhere over 10,000 baht worth of unpaid gaiety.

As of today’s narrative, the elusive Robert remains an entertaining ghost story shared among Lampang’s business circles. He’s an aromatic apparition in the chronicles of local hospitality. Ann, the bearer of lessons and composure, shared her experience with media outlets, warning fellow entrepreneurs of this sneaky showroom escapologist.

Meanwhile, across Thailand, the news blusters with other headlines: bomb attacks, pangs of obesity, booming real estate thanks to a famed TV series, pollution woes, and a peculiar influx of petty crimes. Amidst all this, Robert’s bakery of debts stands out—as both an amusing reminder of small-town tales and a not-so-subtle note to businesses big or small. Always check the cash before the shower, lest you smell something fishy.